Melodifestivalen 2022: Deltävling 3 - Avicii Arena (again)

VoR

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Last week we were belatedly treated to the debut of the THRILLING new results structure, and John Lundvik and LIAMOO qualified direkt to the finals.

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Now for a look at this week's contenders...

1. Cazzi Opeia - I Can't Get Enough
(Bishat Araya, Jakob Redtzer, Cazzi Opeia, Paul Rey)

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If Ace Wilder's absence as a performer this year is leaving you hungry of the spectacle of a woman in her late thirties bouncing gamely to Icona Pop-inspired LOLPOP, you might find a lot to enjoy in Cazzi Opeia. Based on hits like Batman & Robin and Wild Ones, she generally ploughs a very similar furrow. Also an established DJ and songwriter, she's focused primarily on writing for the K-Pop market in recent years, including a few tracks for BTS - get money bitch!

Says Cazzi of her Melfest debut:“It’ll make you so happy that you can’t get enough of it. I want people to feel hope, joy, and celebration.”

Linda Bengtzing, pictured seconds after reading that description:

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2. Lancelot Hedman – Lyckligt Slut
(Lancelot Hedman, Niklas Carson Mattsson)

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Like a depraved scene queen who abruptly becomes a born-again Christian, Lancelot Hedman was once a fixture of the Swedish dance scene, before trading it all in for an acoustic guitar and a drearily worthy solo career. I tried to listen to one of his songs earlier, but I'm afraid I immediately slipped into a deep coma, hence the late arrival of this week's thread.

Says Lance: “It’s been a rocky ride, but I have finally found my calling. I would say this song is the best one I’ve written so far.

Linda Bengtzing, pictured on hearing she was sharing her heat with a pretty acoustic twink:

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3. Lisa Miskovsky - Best to Come
(Lisa Miskovsky, David Lindgren Zacharias)

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Look, I like Lisa Miskovsky. That one Backstreet Boys song she wrote (and presumably thanks her accountant for to this day!) was very nice, and her previous Melfest turn was undeniably a shimmering delight. But we've been here before when she's been placed head to head with a Schlager icon, haven't we?

She described her entry as about finding a ray of hope in the darkest times. Which is a lovely sentiment, but y'know what a really dark time looks like? Ten sodding years of being cast out before Andra Chansen. I'm sorry Lisa, it's really nothing personal but we're going to have to kill you.

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4. Tribe Friday - Shut Me Up
(Isak Gunnarsson, Robin Hanberger Pérez, Noah Deutschmann)

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Most obviously filling the obligatory 'find a band that sounds a little bit like Månesken' brief for this year, Tribe Friday are an indie-rock outfit who style themselves as though Suede were still the #3 Britpop band in the game.

Will pandering this transparent really wash with the Swedes? Their low streaming figures suggest that they're going to be a largely unknown quantity to the viewers at home, but they do promise to deliver 'a true Eurovision show', whatever that means... (unimaginative use of a glitter cannon, probably)

Linda, backstage at the dress rehearsal:

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5. Faith Kakembo - Freedom
(Laurell Barker, Anderz Wrethov, Palle Hammarlund, Faith Kakembo)

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Sweden's favourite pediatric nurse turned soulful chanteuse, Faith Kakembo made a dignified debut in 2020 with the classy but dull Crying Rivers, which did well enough on the radio afterwards to justify bringing her back for another swing. Sadly, hopes for a hard-turn into disco appear dashed by her description of this track as 'a warm and hopeful song with touching lyrics'. There's probably a fair bit of goodwill towards her though, so if this is even slightly catchier than her last effort, I wouldn't rule out a progression.

Linda - sending her gays to scour Faith's socials for anti-vax sentiments.

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6. Linda Bengtzing - Fyrfaldigt Hurra!
(Thomas G:son, Linda Bengtzing, Myra Granberg, Daniel Jelldéus)

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Let's just take a moment to bask in the sheer unlikeliness of this, shall we?

Having finished bottom three for the third consecutive time in 2020, it really did feel like the end of the road for poor Linda. So Fyrfaldigt Hurra indeed for whoever she had to screw/kill/both to make this little miracle happen!

Previous flops Alla mina sorger and Killer Girl were both undone by fairly Z-list songwriting credentials, which makes it all the more remarkable that she's back this time not only with G:Son - at this point basically the Francis of Assisi of fading schlager divas - but also Myra Granberg, who is without hyperbole one of the biggest stars on the Swedish-language music scene right now thanks to massive hits including Lose My Mind and Tills mitt hjarta går under.

Consequently, for the first time in a decade, Linda actually goes into this heat feeling like she might have a slim chance of getting out of it the right way. We don't wish to tempt fate of course, but this truly is probably her last shot, and you know damn well she'll be giving it absolutely everything she has to ensure a top four placement on Saturday.

Linda, manifesting her return to Finalen for the first time since 2011...

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7. Anders Bagge - Bigger Than The Universe
(Anders Bagge, Jimmy Jansson, Peter Boström, Thomas G:son)

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Well, shit.

He may look like the master of ceremonies at your local bear bar's monthly leather night, but ask any Swedish casual who's winning this year's contest on name alone, and they'll tell you that Anders, well, has it in the Bagge!

With a truly OMG-worthy list of songwriting credits - J.Lo! Madonna! Samantha Mumba! - and a long-term role as Sweden's head judge on their seemingly deathless Idol franchise, Anders is both a familiar face and a seasoned industry professional. He also had a well-received run on the Swedish Masked Singer last year, which helped him to get over his long-term battle with crippling stage fright. Basically, he's a national treasure - and he claims that Bigger Than The Universe filled him with so much joy when writing it that he simply couldn't bear to give it away.

Linda, on discovering that she was sharing her heat with an acoustic twink AND Sweden's most beloved TV personality.

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Schedule
Wednesday: Press reviews
Thursday: SNIPPETS
Friday: Rehearsal clips
Saturday: LIVE SHOW (7pm UK time)
 
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I’m really looking forward to hearing Lisa’s song, Umeå was my Lockdown I album

 
"Anders claims that Bigger Than The Universe filled him with so much joy when writing it that he simply couldn't bear to give it away." - didn't he steal it from someone else on hearing it? :D Or was the original plan that he was supposed to be writing it for someone else for this year then insisted on taking it afterwards?
 
I feel like it may well be time for a LINDA AVATAR FRENZY :disco:

On that topic though - here's this year's annual QX magazine Melfest photoshoot, which was based on FAVOURITE ALBAMS

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Tone Sekelius (Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia)

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Omar Rudberg (Rihanna - Talk That Talk)

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Robin Bengtsson (Prince - Parade :disco:)

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Klara Hammarström (Ariana Grande - Sweetener)

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Linda Bengtzing (Britney Spears - My Prerogative :disco: :disco: :disco:)

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Alvaro Estrella (Wham! - Fantastic)

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Cornelia Jakobs (Drake - Certified Lover Boy)

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Medina (Pet Shop Boys - Discography: The Complete Singles Collection :D :disco:)

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Tenori (Hurts - Happiness)

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Anders Bagge (Kanye West - The College Dropout)
 
You can tell the QX features commissioner is absolutely THRILLED with what they get to do with Linda every year she's in the lineup :D
 
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Linda's lyrics!
Vet att jag inte är den bästa
(I know that I am not the best)

Till och med värre än dom flesta
(Perhaps I'm even worse than most of the rest)

Men mina snedsteg gör mig ännu mera resolut
(But my failures only give me more resolve)


För ja, så länge jag försöker
(So yes, as long as I tried)

Så gör det inget om jag dör nu
(It wouldn't really matter if I died now)

Ska låta mina lungor sjunga tills jag checkat ut
(I'm gonna sing my lungs out, until I check out)


Och jag ska nudda himlen om jag så ska stå på tå
(And I will stand up on my toes until I touch the sky)

Jag ska visa världen att det går
(I'll show the world what's possible)

Kan inte vänta längre, släpp mig nu
(I can't wait any longer, let me go now)

Jag tänker göra som jag vill
(I'm gonna do as I please)

Finns ingen plats för trams
(There's no place for trams(?))

för jag har tight med tid
(I only have a little bit of time)

Kan inte vänta längre, hör mig nu,
(I can't wait any longer, hear me now)

kan inte ändra någonting
(there's nothing I can change)

Vill säga tack, förlåt och skål för allt vi minns
(I want to say thanks, forgive me and cheers for all the memories)

och ta ett fyrfaldigt hurra för att vi finns
(And take a fourfold hoorah because we're here!)


Jag ska leva detta livet
(I will live this life)

som att det faktiskt vore mitt
(as if it really belongs to me)

Bara sträcka upp ett finger för ”I don't give a shit”
(Stick up a finger, scream "I don't give a shit!")

Jag ska riva alla broar
(I'm gonna tear down every bridge)

som inte leder någonvart
(That leads me nowhere)

jag ska släcka alla bränder innan allt blir svart
(I'm gonna put out all the fires before it all goes dark)

Och jag ska nudda himlen om jag så ska stå på tå
(and I will stand up on my toes until I touch the sky...)

Sounds like a DEFIANT, AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL TRIUMPH! :disco:
 
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Although......is there no chorus?!?

EDIT: OH right there is, the translation's just only in there once
 
But actually in case it wasn't clear (I deleted the repetitions), this part is the chorus:
Och jag ska nudda himlen om jag så ska stå på tå
(And I will stand up on my toes until I touch the sky)

Jag ska visa världen att det går
(I'll show the world what's possible)

Kan inte vänta längre, släpp mig nu
(I can't wait any longer, let me go now)

Jag tänker göra som jag vill
(I'm gonna do as I please)

Finns ingen plats för trams
(There's no place for trams(?))

för jag har tight med tid
(I only have a little bit of time)

Kan inte vänta längre, hör mig nu,
(I can't wait any longer, hear me now)

kan inte ändra någonting
(there's nothing I can change)

Vill säga tack, förlåt och skål för allt vi minns
(I want to say thanks, forgive me and cheers for all the memories)

och ta ett fyrfaldigt hurra för att vi finns
(And take a fourfold hoorah because we're here!)
 
Is fourfold hurrah a common Swedish turn of phrase? :D
 
As previously established it is a reference to this being the fourth time she will qualify direkt :disco:
 
Haven’t even started considering whether she MIGHT stand a chance of progressing yet and I won’t until the matter of whether she’s managed to field a song that isn’t a complete disappointment is settled first.
 
PRE-SNIPPETS PREDICTIONS

DTF: Anders Bagge, Linda Bengtzing
AC: Lisa Miskovsky, Faith Kakembo
5th: Lancelot
6th: Tribe Friday
7th: Cazzi Opeia
 
Schlagerdivas ranked from most to least likely to be TERFs

1. Carola (OBVIOUSLY)
2. Sanna Nielsen (YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT HERE)
3. Pernilla Wahlgren (though has probably been mollified by her children/NEED FOR REALITY TV CELEBRITY)
4. Sonja Aldén
5. Kikki Danielsson
6. Charlotte Perrelli
7. Shirley Clamp
8. Lena Philipsson
9. Linda Bengtzing

(WHO AM I MISSING?)
 
ANYWAY it turns out my Swedish failed me and that line actually translates as "There's no more time for nonsense"

STAND DOWN SNOWFLAKES NOTHING TO SEE HERE
 
Does the Swedish public still hate Linda generally after she noshed off that footballer or have they worked that out now?
 
Schlagerdivas ranked from most to least likely to be TERFs

1. Carola (OBVIOUSLY)
2. Sanna Nielsen (YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT HERE)
3. Pernilla Wahlgren (though has probably been mollified by her children/NEED FOR REALITY TV CELEBRITY)
4. Sonja Aldén
5. Kikki Danielsson
6. Charlotte Perrelli
7. Shirley Clamp
8. Lena Philipsson
9. Linda Bengtzing

(WHO AM I MISSING?)
I don’t know. I’m not sure Sanna would have strong views about anything apart from, say, Etsy?
 
'Tribe Friday said this about their entry: “Our number will be a true Eurovision-show. Glitter, confetti, pyro, Oscar Zia, the guy from Lordi, moshpit….the point being that we don’t really know.“'

:eyes:
 
Also by my count that's five of the entries in this heat that are described as 'hopeful and feel-good' (all of them except Lancelot and Tribe Friday). Hopefully that doesn't BOOST THEM with anyone going into Saturday looking for some misery
 

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