German schlager

Just popping in to say that the Maite Kelly album is REALLY GOOD if you like being smacked about the face with a schlager shaped wet fish for an hour.

Obviously, I DO. :disco:
 
Since the Swedish music industry has all but denounced schlager music, it's down to the GERMANS to provide it to us! I am often listening to Radio Paloma at work.

We even have a SCHLAGER GIRL GROUP now! :disco:

 
I note with displeasure that evil boring Russian whore Helene Fischer won the Schlager Artist award at the Echo Awards 2018, beating the infinitely superior Andrea Berg (and Maite Kelly). I demand a recount. Does she ever sing wonderful songs about riding dragons? NO SHE MOST CERTAINLY DOES NOT



Keine Macht HÄLT UNS JE AUF :disco:
 
Just dabbling in a bit of Andrea Berg and this is complete joy:

 
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Oh hurrah! Well they all sound exactly the same so there’s MUCH MORE where that came from :disco:

In fact I might set my mind to a BERG TOP ZEHN with excessively detailed comments although it really is classic after classic so where on EARTH to begin?
 
Zu-Klara said:
Oh hurrah! Well they all sound exactly the same so there’s MUCH MORE where that came from :disco:

In fact I might set my mind to a BERG TOP ZEHN with excessively detailed comments although it really is classic after classic so where on EARTH to begin?
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I'm three tracks in on Spotify and she's exactly what I needed this grey Friday morning.

BERG UP!
 
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Ag said:
I'm three tracks in on Spotify and she's exactly what I needed this grey Friday morning.

BERG UP!
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Ag said:
I'm looking forward to Andrea Berg Partymix :disco:
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:D:disco:! 'Ich liebe das Leben' at ZDF Fernsehgarten OH I THINK WE SHOULD



NEIN
Sorg' dich nicht um mich
Du weisst, ich LIEBE DAS LEBEN :disco:
 
Quite honestly the mere mention of this woman makes me even more hysterical than Enya so I might need sedation at some point but in the meantime



Du bist wie aus EINER FERNEN GALAXIE :disco:
 
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I'm now QUITE OBSESSED with German Schlagerpop

Jeannine has definitely never heard Ace of Base's Beautiful Life before...



I've also very much enjoyed Michelle...

 
Welcome to the club Ag!

I’m totally LIVING for this one by Maite Kelly just now.



I also love Vanessa Mai (pronounced Mye) - but she’s probably more on the pop side of schlager.

Ace Wilder wrote this one:



And Dieter Bohlen from Modern Talking wrote this one. It’s basically a rehash of everything they’ve ever done.

 
I've just discovered the Schlagerexpressen podcast. Of course I have no idea where the songs are from, but I'm already living for:

 
I might have occasionally called poor Helene bad names but I’ve been having quite the overexcitable Schlager turn thanks to a repeat play revival of THIS :disco::disco::disco:



Oh God it’s FUCKING FANTASTIC! :disco:
 
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SHOCKING NEWS FOR SCHLAGER-FANS (which isn’t exactly breaking as it was announced in March but I wasn’t paying attention): evil Dieter Bohlen won’t be producing any more albums for Andrea Berg. I want to die RIGHT NOW and I’d quite honestly rather lose a leg although I’d not go as far as having my cock chopped off for the sake of another Berg / Bohlen SCHLAGANZA. Although then again I might :(

Mind you, I’m sure we’ve had these dramas before and there’s always the forthcoming Maite Kelly album :disco:
 
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Given that I've just been overwhelmed with all your support and kindness after that life-changing news about Andrea, here's a SPECIAL TREAT



Let's MAITE UP :disco:
 
Ich geh' mit dir VOLL INS RISIKO :disco:

*plays it for the tenth time in a row*
 
I am now absolutely gasping for her album which is a whole month away although I'll think I'll pass on the Fan-Box which has all manner of tat for 40 quid (and no pop-up butterfly unlike Die Berg's fabulous extravaganza from last year). Fan-Pass + Lanyard INDEED

Mind you, FANLICHT und KALENDER :disco:
 
ACHTUNG SCHLAGER-QUEENS, it’s time for a HOT VIDEO



The NASTY GLOVES! The couture by EMMA CHAWNER! The WINK! The CHRISTMASSY CHIMES in the chorus! :disco:
 
Zu-Klara said:
SHOCKING NEWS FOR SCHLAGER-FANS (which isn’t exactly breaking as it was announced in March but I wasn’t paying attention): evil Dieter Bohlen won’t be producing any more albums for Andrea Berg. I want to die RIGHT NOW and I’d quite honestly rather lose a leg although I’d not go as far as having my cock chopped off for the sake of another Berg / Bohlen SCHLAGANZA. Although then again I might :(

Mind you, I’m sure we’ve had these dramas before and there’s always the forthcoming Maite Kelly album :disco:
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I guess she still has her lovely hotel in Asbach...
 
:disco: Extra Traumpiraten points for you!

Well she DOES but it’s simply not suitable for our purposes! I want MORE BOHLEN TAT :argh:
 
Oh I’ve found out now. The HORROR. The poor love might have had to resort to SURGERY!
 
Die Queen Mum des Schlagers (:D!) could be RUN OVER this evening and The Guardian wouldn’t even think to report it :(
 
I’m hoping for some more of her acoustic and very intimate HALF NUDE* shows in the not too distant :disco:

*loose translation :tongueout:
 
Pass me the Bratwurst Wolfgang because OMFG it’s MAITE-KELLY-ALBUM-PARTY-FREITAG and I’m especially liking the slightly demented when it gets to the chorus DAME FORTUNE WEARS A GOLDEN FROCK :disco::disco::disco:



And THIS is another early highlight, not least because of the CHIMES in the chorus :disco:



Maite FÜR IMMER! :disco::disco::disco:
 
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I made a very modern complaint to Amazon the other day about my download of the Maite Kelly album having realised that it didn't sound quite right - nothing to do with the stunning melodies and bird-like vocals OBVIOUSLY - and discovering to my horror that all of the tracks were less than 320 kbps. (It turns out that Amazon actually only promise 256.) In fact, one was an absolutely disgraceful 231 KBPS :argh:

I got my money back :disco:
 
I was reminded of this further to that disgusting French charlatan peddling her shocking lies about papa carking it during a game of Pétanque, except this is actually immensely stirring and Maite’s papa is, lest we forget, ACTUALLY DEAD



:(:disco::(
 
Given that it’s obviously MAITE-MONTAG, here are more delicious goods with the additional appearance of die Fischer :disco:

 
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Nasty Dieter might have fucked her over but Queen Berg has dusted down her loveliest Schlager couture and is BACK BACK BACK with a new album coming THIS FRIDAY! :disco::disco::disco:



Naturally I have ordered the LIMITIERTE PREMIUM-EDITION OMG I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT :disco:!
 
I quite like Andrea but I haven't really got into her as much as some of my other FRAUEN. Maite is still my favourite at the moment. I love her cheesy videos with her Oscar winning acting, especially in this last one with the guy from the last video:

 
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I'm not quite sure what it is about the power of the Berg which has me actually shaking and crying but there you go :disco:

I mean God I was absolutely hysterical listening to 'Mosaik' earlier and it's not like I'd not heard it before!

SCHLAGER-QUEEN RATE

1. Andrea Berg - Oh she HAS IT ALL! :disco:
2. Maite Kelly - I do love her appalling gaucheness and the mind that's really not quite right. Also, fabulous songs
3. Beatrice Egli - 'Lichtermeer' and 'Sieben Mal Herz - Sieben Mal Schmerz' amongst many highlights. Der Himmel wird HELL! Über der STADT! :disco:
4. Helene Fischer - Pretty much for 'Atemlos durch die Nacht' and 'Feuerwerk' alone. She totally lacks the (probably entirely unintended) sense of the ridiculous which the Top Drei serve up AGAIN AND AGAIN!
 
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