Katy Perry - 143 (Worst Rated Album EVER by a female artist) (2 Viewers)

Can Katy turn things around and snatch a hit?

  • yes, unconditionally

  • sure, it's never really over

  • maybe, by the grace of god

  • potentially, she's a dark horse

  • probably not (self-inflicted)

  • no, now she's just a ghost

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octophone said:
It can't be THAT bad, surely? I was expecting it to be bland and nothingy rather than actively shit. It's times like this I'm glad I don't have Spotify.
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I think that's exactly the issue. There are probably albums that are as close to objectively worse as you can be in a creative field, but given where she used to be and what she's capable of, bland really is unforgivable. If she'd taken a risk, changed her sound, and it didn't work out, that would have more artistic merit than a ChatGPT/Dr Luke Collab that is so NOTHINGY
 
I think if this was something not related to the Dr Luke issue it would have been considered a better album. Most of the songs are very basic and generic but I’ve heard much worse.

I think Lifetimes is the best track on the album.
 
In 2024 people expect authentic and interesting lyrics and to get a sense of who the artist is. It doesn't need to necessarily be high brow but listeners must be able to form a connection. Even the dance pop on Brat is personal. Please Please Please is a huge hit because you can get a sense of Sabrina's personality: witty, charming, flighty. Same with Chappell - she has the ability to weave quite personal and authentic lyrics with 80s dancepop, and the other big stars like Lana, Taylor, Kendrick, Beyoncé, and Billie have personal lyrics. "Sexy confident so intelligent" is catastrophic.

Being a blank canvas who sings the words while some rent-a-producer mixes for you is just not gonna cut it anymore.

This album doesn't feel authentic in the slightest and I think that's why people are repelled by it. It's like Katy's not being herself - I think if she'd leaned into her original sound (which by the way Olivia Rodrigo has made very popular again), people would have taken to it. She really faltered shockingly here.

 
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2. GIMME GIMME

This is actually offensively boring - so boring it sounds like the song you'd hear thirteen times in a minute when that selfish cunt on the train decides to scroll through TikTok without turning the volume down. It sounds CHEAP, like she found the 'generic YouTube video by unsigned rapper' preset on her Casio keyboard and just went to town.
 
3. Gorgeous (feat Muna's Palsy sufferer I've only heard of because of Mopsy)

Katy has really gone out of her way to ensure there are no identifiable hooks anywhere on this album. This is obscenely dull, her voice has the appeal of a nasal car alarm, and it's like she's trying to do something young people will like without having spoken to one since 2004.
 
4. I'm His, He's Mine

This could have been good if they'd just expanded the Gypsy Woman sample to the point where it was just the original song on the album instead of this track.

They've hit the sweet spot where they can be simultaneously accused of trying too hard and trying nowhere near hard enough.

The best song so far, which is the equivalent of picking the best shadow an X-Ray ever detected on your lung.
 
7. All The Love

This sounds a bit more like her old stuff - it's actually the best song so far.

I think the problem is her voice; it just isn't very good. She sings like she was called up for karaoke when she was halfway through a Werther's Original.
 
9. Articifical (feat JID)

I've no idea who JID is, I can only assume it's Joe Dolce and he asked to be identified by his initials so as not to damage his credibility by association.

This is everything bad about album tracks in an implausibly long three minute package.
 
11. Wonder

The last song, thank fuck. "Don't let the envious once say you just wee'd?"

This is all very 'song by a popstar on a CBBC sitcom' - I know it's about her kids or something else equally shit but it's fucking INSIPID. And she has the AUDACITY to have one of her sentient queefs children sing the intro and outro.
 
Well, that was largely gash with a couple of relatively acceptable bops thrown in the remind us all that she acknowledges the gays, and some interminable TikTok tat to prove she's still down wit da kids, daddio.

Now I've done this you've no reason to listen to it yourselves, so please don't.
 
ButterTart said:
Well, that was largely gash with a couple of relatively acceptable bops thrown in the remind us all that she acknowledges the gays, and some interminable TikTok tat to prove she's still down wit da kids, daddio.

Now I've done this you've no reason to listen to it yourselves, so please don't.
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Would you like to join me for therapy?
 
Paris had a week #2 sales bump (bundled with Xtina's KY or else some other explicitly transparent tactic). I wonder if she sold more than this blow-up doll pop troll.
 
the really funny thing about her kid singing on Wonder is that it's not even her fucking child :D that's actually the spawn of one of the engineers or something.

somebody else's child - the perfect fit for a closing song about motherhood on this highly personal album!
 
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