Congratulations Dr. Geru Hallwell

Jark said:
Geri doing the groups would be fab. You just know she would turn up to judges' houses in her union jack dress (the 100% nylon one from her Next collection) and have them all singing Spice Girls songs. The boy groups would then have to compensate for singing girly songs by taking their clothes off a lot and doing lots of hetero man on man splashing in the ocean. BRING IT ON!
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Yes!
 
She'd save the union jack dress for the FINAL - why let the WINNER get the front page when you can tell everybody that your ugly sis found a towel and stapled it to your fave New Look fuck-me dress?
 
Pipo said:
There's nothing more delicious than Victoria trashing some 15 y.o. aspiring singer saying her vocals LACK SOUL and sound FLAT :disco:
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The irony of it all would truely be a moment of (TV) life :disco:
 
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Victoria has already MASTERED the art of irony with the flawless mockumentary Victoria Beckham: Coming to America. Sadly the masses just DIDN'T GET IT. :(
 
If she loses out on the gig I am sure she will turn up at the final anyway, crash the stage and force herself to vomit everywhere so she can steal the headlines with 'GERI'S BULIMIA HELL RETURNS IN FRONT OF MILLIONS'.
 
Wannabe X Factor judge Geri Halliwell was booed for mocking Take That in yesterday’s first filmed audition.

Geri told a girl band they weren’t all in tune, but added: “Not everyone in Take That can sing”.

The crowd at Liverpool’s Echo Arena responded and fellow judge and TT star Gary Barlow looked miffed.

The former Spice Girl was determined to make a big impression from the start.


Asked if she felt she was auditioning for the vacant fourth judge spot, she said: “In life we’re all on audition.

“The Prime Minister is auditioning right now, we are all proving ourselves every single day of our lives.

"Between me and Gary we’ve had 22 number ones, that’s as much as the Beatles. :D

"But we’re still proving ourselves in this game. That is the industry.”
 
supermassive said:
"Between me and Gary we’ve had 22 number ones, that’s as much as the Beatles. :D

"But we’re still proving ourselves in this game. That is the industry.”
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omg that's just as bad as saying that Headlines may have reached the dizzy heights of #11 but it's like having two #1's
 
The quotes keep coming

The performer insisted her parent is a good choice because she is a regular woman and that's the kind of person who the music would be marketed towards.
The former Ginger Spice added: 'When I was auditioning for my new band I would have a normal person look at it because that's who I make music for, normal people.'
She also revealed that she wished the talent show had been around when she was trying to carve out a career.
Geri said: 'My mum was a cleaner, we didn't have money for stage school, so I'd have entered the X Factor. I love it for that reason.'
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She's not just any deranged fame-hungry maniac, she's a NORMAL deranged fame-hungry maniac. She's also just hungry.
 
This entirely delicious DÉBÂCLE just continues to deliver ad infinitum :D

I can't imagine she'll make it to the final in any form whatsoever (bar in a COFFIN) but it's I OH SO hope she does.

I might have a GERI B SIDE FRENZY in the garden this afternoon to celebrate these shenanigans. I've got a feeling the neighbours are crying out for a FULL VOLUME BLAST of "Destiny" followed by a bit of SUBURBAN GRIND in "Very Slowly".
 
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Oh that's what I shall be doing with my evening then. Some Geri to blance out all the Rammstein I listened to at work.
 
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FIFTEEN MINUTES
Show me what you're MADE OF
FIFTEEN MINUTES
What are you AFRAID OF?
I've SEEN it
I've DONE it
You wanna know the TRADE OFF?
It's HEAVEN, it's HELL, being GERI HALLIWELL

:manson: :D
 
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That chorus is EPIC, but the sheer car crash of the verses make me know what it's like to have a stroke:

Fame costs - and right here's where you start paying
Have a drink - alcoholic
Grab a coat - shopaholic
Grab a bite - anorexic
Intellectual? I'm dyslexic
Feeling happy - could be gay
Maybe but not today
Right or wrong - either way
Whatever

:disco::bruised:
 
I'm hotly anticipating it opening the Bluebell Halliwell pop career (with revised lyrics, natch) in 2023 :disco:
 
Heaven and Hell is such an existential anthem. Geru really did have her finger on the pulse of what it was like to juggle the pressures of being an early Noughties singing superstar and the issues shared by every modern post-Spice Girls woman.

Get a job, get a car
Get a life, get a face
Get a god, get a man
Get some love
And lose some weight

Profound.
 
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Mugatu said:
Heaven and Hell is such an existential anthem. Geru really did have her finger on the pulse of what it was like to juggle the pressures of being an early Noughties singing superstar and the issues shared by every modern post-Spice Girls woman.

Get a job, get a car
Get a life, get a face
Get a god, get a man
Get some love
And lose some weight

Profound.
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I still remember playing this in my car to a friend expecting them to LOVE it and ended up crying with laughter. Geru really is the best AND worst at what she does.
 
Looking like a just been tangoed Anna Friel, Geri's armpits are said by friends of the singer to be "old and wrinkly" and "contemplating sleeves" following years of malnutrition, being fondled by silver alien midgets and relaxing by the pool in dignity-defying yoga positions. Being photographed just hours after letting the paparazzi know where she would be, Geri hid behind a bin until being reassured "we're the paparazzi" by a man called Dave, who waited until he'd finished his pot noodle before calling out to Geri who was scratching herself and making sure she had a camel toe that was camera-ready. Not even armpits that look like a 90s year olds double-fisted vagina could prevent the Sex & The City star from smirking casually, realizing she really can't get a moments peace, and that some people really need to get a life.

ger.jpg
 
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Jamie East ‏@mrjamieeast :Love that @GeriHalliwell 's first words on twitter were "Hello Fans!"
 
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